Like someone else and attracted to him .. Is it a betrayal of a life partner?

It may happen that one is linked to a relationship of love or marriage, but suddenly and involuntarily finds himself admired by another person from his social environment and the heart starts to beat and pulse increases whenever they meet and expose the language of the eyes .. What to do? Is this normal?

You may have been, or have been, connected for years, and you may be married. But suddenly, without introductions, he finds himself admired by a co-worker, friend or even a neighbor, shocked and dismayed.

In fact, one should never be nervous. Being no longer a teenager does not mean that he is not prone to admire another. "People tend to be attracted," says Cherie Campbell, a psychiatrist from Los Angeles and the author of "But Your Family". "It only becomes harmful if our alliance does not have happiness in our relationship. We deviate from addressing it by being attracted to another and lose our commitment" to the partner.

Caroline Wilkerson, a Chinese acupuncturist who lives in River Forest, Illinois, says she has always had such admiration. He was a coworker, joking, talking, and communicating on several levels. But Wilkerson realized that she had to keep this relationship just at the level of admiration, believing that "what she feeds is growing."

So Wilkerson told her husband about her admiration for the coworker and discussed the issue, and then her feelings for her colleague dissipated. "What matters is what you do about it," she says. "If you continue to be near that person and feed your imagination, you increase your chances of becoming a real thing. One is mature about it and able to deal with it. "

The attraction of the opposite sex is normal

Admiration and attraction with a person from the immediate vicinity may occur suddenly and without introductions

That's exactly what science recommends. A study in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy found that seventy percent of married women, or married women, had impressive relationships. Which

Proportion of women who admitted it.

The researchers said this was good and natural. In the end, how can one quench his admiration just because he is committed to a particular person? It is not only women who are subjected to such infatuation.

A study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior revealed that men are visually motivated to see faces they have never seen before, and is provoked by the idea of ​​seeing a woman for the first time. When men see the same woman again, they are not equally attracted to them, the study added.

There are several factors in this matter.

David Bennett, a consultant, writer and social relations expert from Ohio, says people are engaged in relationships for a variety of reasons, including geographical proximity, stability, emotional attachment and other factors driving strong attraction.

Still, admiration is a strong attraction to someone. "Just because you like someone doesn't mean you will choose to stay with them," Bennett says. "It also means you might be happy in a relationship with someone you don't like."

Flirting and approaching the edge of emotional infidelity

May be admired among coworkers

However, admiration is sometimes not healthy, as some argue. If this admiration is so severe that it confuses your relationship, it is a problem. There are more hidden signals. Bennett explained that these signals include a constant comparison between your current partner and the person you like, or approaching the brink of treason while continuing flirtation or emotional treason.

Holly Laberbera, a family and marital specialist, says that while attraction to someone is normal, and to some extent uncontrollable, what one does about it is entirely in control.

La Barbera suggests that if you like another, you might have to tell your partner. It may turn into something fun that could lead to a role-playing game or sexual fantasy. Sharing this information can build as much confidence and intimacy as sharing a fragile idea or feeling.

There is no perfect person and no perfect life

Having someone else in the life of a partner / partner may create suspicion and cause tensions in the relationship with the partner / partner

Conversely, keeping admiration secret is as problematic as any other secret. "For example, one may feel a sense of shame about it, while feelings are often beyond one's control," she says. "Another problem is that the secrets are exciting and may lead you to think more about the person you like and maybe take action that you might regret."

If telling a partner is not an option, Barbera suggests talking to a trusted friend. She explains that this will achieve the same purpose by returning things to normal, and will help one not to act according to his feelings.

Christie Charcoushian, a three day Rule marriage mediator, advises you to recognize the value of the relationship you are entering. Usually admiration comes coupled with the "life of others" mentality, where you begin to think that the other person shows something you lack in your current relationship. Or are a better choice.

"As we see in the use of social media, the highlight of what is always offered by anyone seems better than our real life," Charcosian says. "In fact, if you follow the person you like away from your relationship, you will find their imperfections close." No one is perfect, even the one you admire.